Margot Marcotte

September 12, 1969 - February 3, 2002

               "My heart was much more fragile.  Much more tender."

                                                                     - Excerpt from Margot's journal, Dec. 2001

On February 3, 2002, my sister Margot was found dead in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. She died of injuries suffered in a fall from a tower, at sunrise. 

She was 32 years old.

It would be impossible to describe the essence of Margot to those who did not know her, or did not know her well.   But it is important to try.

Margot lived a beautiful, and full life. She was an artist, and an artisan.  She attended the North Carolina School of the Arts, and the Minneapolis College of Art and Design.  After finishing school, she went on to do what she loved.  She made a life of her own, and didn't let others define how she would live.  She started her own business in her early twenties, making beautiful hats.  She continued that work until she died.

She made her hats, and her living in a house that she and her partner re-configured, wholly.  Making it, as one friend described it, a mother-nature palace.  They had no electricity from the outside but used solar power to run Margot's sewing machines.  They had no running water, but had a sauna and small pool.  She lived beautifully, in harmony with nature.  And -- in harmony with her family and friends.  

Margot had more dear friends than anyone I have ever known. People loved Margot -- because she loved people unconditionally.  Her heart was open to all.  She always made strangers welcome. She always made friends and family feel loved and important.  Whether you were with her alone, or were in the middle of a loud party, when you talked with Margot, she really listened to what you were saying, and cared about you as a person.  Her reserve of patience, empathy and love was infinitely deep.  Her humor was always healing.  Her beauty and goodness enveloped you.  The world was a better place with her in it.

The tragedy of her death, and not having her here today is something that I, my sisters, and all of my family will likely never fully comprehend, and never fully recover from.  I am a better person having known her for 32 years.  There is no way to express how much I wish for just one more.  

I believe that Margot would want those she knew and loved to find peace.  I hope that we will. 

Note to those who knew and loved Margot

Margot's 35th birthday is almost here, so I have been thinking about her even more than usual.  I have also been singing, listening to, and thinking of songs that remind me of her.  Some of the songs that remind me a lot of Margot are:

Neil Young's "Comes a Time" because it was one of her favorite Neil Young songs.

Rusted Root's "Send Me On My Way" because it reminds me of a great trip we took from Albany NY to Vermont in the middle of winter -- blasting Rusted Root in an old beat-up VW Rabbit she used to drive.

Anything by Boiled in Lead, because we used to get into small bars in Minneapolis to listen to them -- before Margot was old enough to get into bars.

Anything by Steve Tibbetts, because she was really into his music in art school and high school.

"Times Like These," by the Foo Fighters, because it meant a lot to me as I dealt with my sorrow right after she died.

I'd love to put together a CD of music to celebrate Margot' birthday.  I'd like to ask you, her friends and family, to send me the titles of songs that make you think of Margot.  Also, include a bit on why or how the song makes you think of her. You can reach me by e-mail, or post your song on the guestbook.

If you don't read this until after her birthday, that's OK, send it in anyway.  Maybe this musical remembrance can keep growing.

Thanks.

On the night of September 27, 2004 - my world was shattered again.  My sister Maggie took her own life.  She was one year younger than Margot.  They had always been very close.  Near the end of Margot's life she spent several weeks with Maggie.  Maggie tried to help Margot. Margot's death left her with guilt and sorrow that are hard to imagine, or endure. 

It has taken me almost one year to add this to this page.  I struggle every day with the pain my sisters' deaths have brought me.  I hope that soon I will be able to focus more on what joy their lives brought me.  But, that day has not yet arrived.  I hope, too, to have the energy and the heart to memorialize Maggie.  She was such a joy to know.  She was always funny.  She was beautiful, adventurous and intrepid.  I wish I had her bravery, and her spirit.  Left with just her ashes, I have to reconstitute her life.  Because it has now ended need not mean it is over.

I love you Maggie.  I always will.

Margot and Maggie.  Near Seattle.  January 2002.

Pictures of Margot's last trip to Mexico.

If you wish, you can hear Margot's voice.  This is a voicemail message she left a few weeks prior to her death.  The content of the message is not so important.  Simply hearing her voice is.

If you would like to download a video clip of Margot  , sewing at Grassroots, click below (warning, this is a large file and may take a while to download):

Also, Pat Burke, a friend of Margot's, has some nice pictures of her dancing  -- beautiful and happy.  http://home.twcny.rr.com/patburke/margo.html

Here is a poem written in memory of Margot, by Eric RobertsonHere are the thoughts I shared at Margot's funeral.

If you have any memories, photos or words you would like to share, please send them to me at marcotte@umbc.edu

Here are some things others have shared.

Also, I have a guestbook you can sign.  Unfortunately each entry is limited to 500 characters -- feel free to post more than one.  (please don't post html in the body of your message).

The 2003 Ithaca Festival was held in May.  Margot enjoyed and always took part in Ithaca Fest.   The website for the festival had a nice picture of Margot, taken a few years ago.

At Ithaca Fest, Amy Glicklich sang a song written for Margot.  My mom, stepdad and sister Maggie were there to hear it.  Though I wasn't there to hear it, Amy was kind enough to share the lyrics to the song entitled, The Last Five Minutes Gone.  Thanks Amy.

Next time you are in Ithaca, stop by the Farmer's Market.  Thanks to my Mom and stepfather, the contributions to a memorial fund were used to build and install a beautiful bench (front/back) in Margot's memory.  Margot's oldest and dearest friend Kristen painted the bench.

As the date of Margot's birthday approaches, the second without her, I still struggle to understand and accept her death.  Many things are clear, and many more are not.  Margot was an articulate, exceptionally thoughtful woman.  She was suffering terribly.  All could see that.  Yet, it seems that none could help.  I say that only to comfort myself.  I could have helped.

In her words, those she still speaks in my memory and those she wrote on paper, I find both comfort and sorrow.   Here are some of those words:

We are but the shadows of still more shadowy things. The day is bright and I feel clear without the need for pain or hardship.  I want and I desire and all that I approach will not lead to a disappointment.  It takes  time and  patience and a youth deserving to be regained.  Fearless courage and timing.  Words are meaningless to me and fall like dead weight.  I will love and that love's aim is infinite and will not become an end.